#syadhilwedding FAQ: Challenges in My Daily Life as a Married Student
3/29/2015
Teh Tarik For The Soul is a laid back program by DnT Bureau of LAWSOC, known for their sharing sessions. In the coming week, the Husband and I are invited to be the speakers at the session on early marriage. We do see it as an honor. However, we are very reserved in our opinions because we are a very different kind of couple compared to the usual early married couples in IIUM:
We do not encourage nor discourage early marriage.
Putting all jokes aside, I have been asked numerous times about juggling marriage and studies. While I have drafted numerous blogposts in response to FAQs and the challenges of early marriage life, I have failed to post any due to fear of offending anyone.
But after taking a lot of jabs and snide comments, we've decided to speak at the session. I will tell you the details on Instagram when everything is confirmed.
The last two semesters were challenging because of the sudden change. This semester, perhaps because they've gotten used to it or because now more people have gotten married, it has been an easier ride. The challenge that I am addressing today is how early marriage had affected my relationship with the people around me.
There are positive changes, of course. People respect me as a wife now which is a very beautiful thing. But there are also people who do not respect me nor my marriage. Recently, a Hafiz (a guy that memorizes the Quran) who is older than us, called us the couple that was most unlikely to get married early. And he was surprised that we got married before people like him (read: orang alim). I find it offensive because, firstly, he's implying that people like the Husband and I are 'bad Muslims' and, secondly, he is implying that only 'good Muslims' can marry early. This is the unfortunate perception of a so-called 'good Muslim'.
There was also a friend of mine who, after I said about wanting to hangout with her without the Husband, had said, "Siapa suruh kahwin." (Translation: who told you to get married?)
Another incident is when I didn't buy tickets to a play for the Husband because I had a free entry and my friends called me a bad wife.
I don't know how to respond to these. I have ignored this treatment for over a year and it has only made me question the society that I live in. Is there anything I can do to stop this pain? For now, I just keep looking forward to going home after class and I tell myself that I just have to survive another year and just hope for better days.
I pray that nobody has to go through what I've gone through. I pray for better days. And I know that no matter what happens, I'll always have the Husband and our families to support us.
Putting all jokes aside, I have been asked numerous times about juggling marriage and studies. While I have drafted numerous blogposts in response to FAQs and the challenges of early marriage life, I have failed to post any due to fear of offending anyone.
But after taking a lot of jabs and snide comments, we've decided to speak at the session. I will tell you the details on Instagram when everything is confirmed.
The last two semesters were challenging because of the sudden change. This semester, perhaps because they've gotten used to it or because now more people have gotten married, it has been an easier ride. The challenge that I am addressing today is how early marriage had affected my relationship with the people around me.
There are positive changes, of course. People respect me as a wife now which is a very beautiful thing. But there are also people who do not respect me nor my marriage. Recently, a Hafiz (a guy that memorizes the Quran) who is older than us, called us the couple that was most unlikely to get married early. And he was surprised that we got married before people like him (read: orang alim). I find it offensive because, firstly, he's implying that people like the Husband and I are 'bad Muslims' and, secondly, he is implying that only 'good Muslims' can marry early. This is the unfortunate perception of a so-called 'good Muslim'.
There was also a friend of mine who, after I said about wanting to hangout with her without the Husband, had said, "Siapa suruh kahwin." (Translation: who told you to get married?)
Another incident is when I didn't buy tickets to a play for the Husband because I had a free entry and my friends called me a bad wife.
I don't know how to respond to these. I have ignored this treatment for over a year and it has only made me question the society that I live in. Is there anything I can do to stop this pain? For now, I just keep looking forward to going home after class and I tell myself that I just have to survive another year and just hope for better days.
I pray that nobody has to go through what I've gone through. I pray for better days. And I know that no matter what happens, I'll always have the Husband and our families to support us.
Love,
Sya.
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Deleteala i posted something really long and emotional..oh well..
ReplyDeletesya..what ur "friends" did is not ok.its mean and upsetting. i would suggest u get other sets of more matured friends..not older but just not perangai mcm high skool mean girls kinda friends hahah
..or just lessen ur contacts with them and focus more on people that actually matter like ur family and 'kindred spirits' friends.
just remember that these people like ur hafiz friend and jealous high skool friends of yours are people who have serious internal problems such as insecurity..jealousy..anger..depression sbb nobody wants them!!hahahah...the holier than thou attitude will get u know where..and he is soo jealous that u were chosen by Allah to experience love and marriage...
just reply to them if they ever tell it to ur face again
"oh don't worry, you'll find your soulmate,soon..maybe" hahah then walk away girl..just walk away.
sigh..hang in there..its because ur different sya..some people especially in the malay muslim society can't handle differences..whether ur different in bad way or a good way..either way..there will be insecure people who can't handle it.
u r different in a good way..ur young..gorgez..intelligent and...married..semua tu..xramai yg akan suke..sbb they ols jeless hahah
forgive me for this long post..i hope u find peace sya..all the best to u and ur marriage aminn
Assalamualaikum sister,
ReplyDeleteI hope that things are better for you now. What you have - a husband, at a young age, is such a blessing..that only some of us can dream of. Alhamdulillah :-) It's the society that we live in today that makes things difficult. Especially when our friends are young too kan? They don't understand..
may Allah bless you with good companions. That support you and your husband, that will be there for you to defend you and to help you along the way.
Sometimes that's just all you need. People who are just like you, and striving to be better everyday.
(As for the brother "alim" yg pandai2 nak lepas mulut, ignore him. A true believer is happy for the blessings of another believer. We all are trying to be better people right? Of course he might be "alim" to a certain degree, but everyone has a fault somewhere, may Allah guide us all to a better understanding of Islam).
CONGRAAAATS on being featured Sya!!! OMG! :D :D :D
ReplyDeletePerception, that what people had in their head and mouth. You should be glad that you had the bless from Allah, you get to avoid from the blaze of hell and the ray of light from heaven. You should see the other way round dear, lots of people around you take their relationship as normal but they forgot the real position there, people would rather see that way rather than the other way. Belajar dulu baru kahwin, typical stereotype in Malaysia. Be proud you've got a secure blessing and halal relationship in Allah guidance. Me envy you!
ReplyDeletePerception, that what people had in their head and mouth. You should be glad that you had the bless from Allah, you get to avoid from the blaze of hell and the ray of light from heaven. You should see the other way round dear, lots of people around you take their relationship as normal but they forgot the real position there, people would rather see that way rather than the other way. Belajar dulu baru kahwin, typical stereotype in Malaysia. Be proud you've got a secure blessing and halal relationship in Allah guidance. Me envy you!
ReplyDeleteWOO tabik....congratulation as a Married Student. i thing difficult to divided time as a student and wife...but you can do it ..foloww
ReplyDelete